I cannot help but to reflect on the incident that took place on February 22nd, 2010. I was in my 8th 10-minute mile when i blacked out. My first blackout, in fact. This blackout has put the issue of afterlife front and center. The simple observation that if we can blackout… where you literally BLACK out into nothingness….. no thoughts, dreams, visions, memories, lights or anything resembling anything familiar other than a deep void…. Then how can death be something else? Something more?
I have had powerful self-induced experiences in my life. But this natural blackout… which comes down to a lack of oxygen to the brain… this direct effect that amounted to me losing a gap of my life, even if only a short gap…. it seems to have had the deepest impact even compared to extremely powerful chemical reactions that my brain has experienced in the past. To lose time and have no memories makes me feel violated. No control. Vulnerable. Powerless. And the persistent thought that when its over, its over. Shutting off a light. Circuit closed.
Now going into this, I was not a believer in anything in particular about what happens after we die. I am not religious at all. I don’t even put much time into thinking about Atheism or Agnostic tendencies. I dont need those labels either. Based on my time here and willingness to experiment over the years, I’ve tended to think that their is a vast pool of energy and that it is possible to become a part of that pool when we die. But that too can be the same as what we perceive as a dark and lonely nothingness. If we don’t carry with us any bit of our consciousness and memories and emotions, then energy or not… it does not seem to be anything to get excited about.
Being at peace with such realizations is our best chance. Being fulfilled with your life, everyday.
So, I am 35 and though something serious happened to me, it appears I am mostly healthy. I will be seeing additional doctors to continue observation and testing. Whether or not what happened to me is classified up there with more life threatening health issues, the experience as a whole is still something that forces me to reflect about the stuff that confuses, amazes and haunts us all until our end.